Understanding Dylan...

At the beginning of the year my life took a drastic turn. In January, 4 days after the new year my son Dylan started having night seizures. It was unexpected (as most of these thing are). It was traumatic (as you go through a roller-coaster rides of emotions). And it was painful (because when it happens you feel completely helpless). My son, thank God had no clue he was experiencing this, most times he woke up afterwards wanting to use the bathroom or asking "Mom why are you crying?" He was and still is a trooper. He accepted the medication we forced on him. He quietly did all the tests we had to run, and he did not object when we spent most of his initial Saturdays in a doctor's office. I could not ask for a more understanding child.

It has been 5 months now and the medication he is taking has manged to curb the seizures at night. So he sleeps a little restless but not as aggressive as a seizure. (Thank God for that.) But I have noticed over time is the change in his emotions. Dylan has become very emotional and cannot seem to find a way to control it. If he gets mad he gets really mad and if he get sad he is sad for a long period of time. He would have drastic mood swings and when he is crying and I tell him to stop most times he says, "I'm trying but I just can't." I even asked a guy I knew who experienced this as a child and he told me that it was void of emotions due to the same medication he was taking... but that was because he told me he was always a quiet child. So my theory is that the medication amplifies the child's character in an extreme manner. Dylan was always emotional, so with the meds... he has become an extremely emotional child. So much so that I now have to check what I have to say and think about his reaction before saying it.

Recently I have been reading a book, Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child - The Heart of Parenting by John Gottman, Ph.D. to try and see if I could get some advice on improving my son and my communication. One of the chapters - Emotion Coaching Strategies was very helpful. It gave me ideas and also made me check myself and how I dealt with Dylan. These are a few tid-bits.

1. Avoid excessive criticism, humiliating comments, or mocking your child. I have to specifically try not doing the last because when he usually goes on his rampage I find myself mocking him to hear how he is really sounding. I have not done this in a while, but when he really acts out terribly I find myself biting my tongue and taking deep breaths. 
2. Ignore your parental agenda. Again this is hard to do especially if you are someone who likes to keep everything planned and organized. It also made me realize I could not control everything and I have to cater for this. He sometimes has no control over when it is going to happen and I cannot blame him and expect him to change immediately. 
3. Be patient with the process. This is my biggest challenge... having patience. I need to be patient with this entire ordeal. I have to be patient with Dylan and I have to be patient with myself. It is hard to teach an old dog new tricks, so sometimes I do let my emotions get the better of me.

These are  just a few of the suggestions, but mainly the books helps you the parent take a look at themselves. A really good look and force you to see things you did not know about yourself. I know I have alot of things to work on in improving communication with my kid and I have too. He has been through alot and is still going through alot. And at the end of the day what makes everything worth it is seeing his smile and knowing he is happy. Nothing else can beat that.